ext_70948 ([identity profile] aki-hoshi.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] aoifene 2007-06-06 11:22 pm (UTC)

^____^

Interesting development...I wonder how Harry's going to break it to him...? :P And we all know that Hermione, you know, knows about Harry's feelings. Or, at least, is fairly certain and willing to wait until Harry realises. ^^

One thing - no, two: Er...where'd Snape go? I mean, We saw Dumbledore come and go, but not Snape. And he did come and go between Dumbledore, didn't he? lol

Second thing; and this is probably just me being anal, but I'm noticing a lack of comma usage in your writing. Granted, I have no idea what the story looked like the first time it was posted, but there are more than a few times where I'm finding natural pauses in thought or sentence structure, and there's not comma to put the pause there. I'm not sure if it's only me - but I usually have to re-read the sentence another time, to fit it within the natural "voice" in my head, if that makes any sense. Doesn't make this a bad story or bad writing, of course ^_^ but, for me, it starts degrading the quality of a wonderful bit of fiction, only because of a little punctuation. I know your beta went through it (hence the re-post, of course), but I thought I might mention that the voice in the narration seems to get lost a bit sometimes.

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